Past, Present & Future: Evolving through Midlife Together
Midlife brings its own mix of change, reflection and quiet courage. Here, I share my journey through loss, learning, new beginnings and the power of women supporting women. It’s a reminder that our past shapes us, the present grounds us, and the future invites us forward — one small step at a time.
I recently attended a charity afternoon tea hosted by The Women’s Chapter and held at the beautiful Manor House Hotel in the English picture-book village of Castle Combe. The theme for the day was Past, Present & Future and “women supporting women”.
Apart from being a really upbeat and enjoyable event, with an inspiring panel of successful women and a room full of female entrepreneurs, it was the messaging that really set me thinking.
Don’t you find that we often focus on our Past to determine who we are now? I know I do. I look back at my career and being a mom and am often quite hard on myself. I could have done or been this, if only I had had a university education. I could have made better decisions, if only this or that hadn’t happened. I could have lost a stone in weight if only I had walked and exercised more!
I think this is a natural reflection, but I do think we can be quite hard on ourselves.
What I have discovered is that although we cannot change the past, we can change how we view it. I had a varied career and I know that I made a difference in small ways. I try to be a good mom and although I know I don’t always get it right, I love my children dearly and am incredibly proud of who they are as amazing young adults. I’m excited to see where their own journeys take them. I genuinely have so much to be thankful for in my life, as I’m sure you do too. As for the weight loss — well, that’s a work in progress.
Two years ago, I left a role I loved because it no longer aligned with who I was and my values. The following day my mom had a fall, and she died just 12 weeks later. My daughter had already moved to Geneva to study, and the following year my son moved to New Zealand to work. For several reasons, I felt like I have spent the last two years rolling from one sense of loss to another, BUT…
Amongst all of this change I have found so much joy, not in the big moments, far from it. I had always wanted to have my own business. An idea had been bubbling for many years, but I had never had the opportunity or time to focus on it or make it happen. I had no idea where to start: how to build a website, set up email funnels, use Canva, post on Instagram, make a reel or carousel. It was honestly so alien to me. I had never had Facebook or posted on my personal Instagram account, let alone put myself out on social media, it was scary, and if I am honest, it still is. So I set out to learn and to teach myself. There have been many tears, self-doubt, cries of “I can’t do this”, and times when I have wanted to stop.
What it has enabled is for me to meet the most amazing people, an incredible number of inspiring women who have helped me on my journey and many whom I am now able to champion and to share with you through eight8. Each has their own amazing story to tell.
Women supporting women doesn’t only show up in career changes or business ventures. Midlife can bring changes we were not expecting, and some of these challenge us in ways that push us to our limits. Whether that be divorce, loss, empty nesting (not to be taken lightly), menopause or our physical and mental health. I have witnessed incredible women navigate some of the most challenging times of their lives with strength, determination, grace and humour. They have truly inspired me in so many ways.
The Present — I’m writing this in December, the end of the year, the season where all is merry and bright. There is so much to be thankful for, but we can also give ourselves permission to slow down and enjoy the moment. This year, Christmas Day will be just myself and my husband, and that will be lovely: very relaxed, fire on, favourite movies, a walk, and we will simply graze, no big turkey dinner. We head to New Zealand for New Year to visit our son which is really exciting and is the first time we have been back in 30 years, having lived in Christchurch pre-children.
Don’t you find Christmas sometimes requires a little navigating, and for many reasons. So how we each choose to experience the season, both logistically and emotionally, matters.
Experiences at this time of year do not have to be big events or far-flung places (although lovely to do). They can be very simple. I try to focus on what I enjoy, the environments I feel relaxed in, and the people I love spending time with. Sometimes I just like to take a little time for myself. There are lovely places to visit at this time of year, like a recent trip to Haddon Hall Christmas Market in Derbyshire with dear friends. There are incredible workshops and events, but be selective and don’t try to fit too many in. I loved a wreath-making workshop at Rachel de Thame’s stunning home last year and a chocolate-making workshop with Cheltenham Chocolates last month.
As for presents themselves, the gift of an experience is a wonderful way to feel connected, something you can share and look forward to in the New Year.
As we think about our Future and what it may hold, it may sometimes feel a little scary but also incredibly exciting. There is so much to discover, not just in the world around us, but also within ourselves. I am incredibly lucky to have amazing, supportive men in my life, for which I am deeply grateful, but I also love championing women. We often doubt ourselves, lack confidence in our own abilities and suffer from imposter syndrome. What we have to understand is that we do not need to take giant leaps or step so far out of our comfort zones that it becomes unproductive. We simply need to take one step at a time, in whatever direction feels right for us.
Let’s support and champion each other. There will always be someone just slightly ahead of you, someone who has been there before and will hold out a hand to guide you. Sometimes they will gently lift you to the next step, other times they might give you a big tug and lift you even higher.
Experiences, whether they are amazing places to travel, a book talk, coffee in a beautiful setting, an artisan workshop, a wellness retreat or even learning a skill that leads you to a new career direction — are life-evolving. I won’t say transformational (although they can be), but evolving feels more appropriate.
So please do take some time to reflect on the past and all that you have achieved, enjoy and fully experience the present and the gift that it is, and look to the future with curiosity and excitement. Let’s evolve together and support each other’s journey, we all have so much to discover — but just one step at a time.
This blog gently reflects on how midlife can bring change, loss, learning and unexpected joy. Through personal experiences, it explores how looking back with kindness, finding calm in the present, and taking small steps toward the future can help us feel more grounded. It’s a warm reminder that we are not alone, that the support of other women truly matters, and that simple moments and meaningful experiences can help us evolve in our own time and in our own way.
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